Is this how the PGPEX Mess will look like post-match?

Prof. Unni was heard at the PGPEX mess telling students to come to the match well prepared.

“Everyone knows what the result is going to be. But, give us a better fight than what we got in the previous match”. “See you during the victory lap”

was his parting remark. With JT’s extensive coverage of the match, everyone in Jokaland would know that the faculty team had defeated the students’ team by 80 runs.

Puneet Agrawal – captain of the PGPEX cricket team – is unfazed by all the hype or the enormity of what lies before his team. Is he really as detached as he shows or is it just a façade? He sounded almost Dhoni-like when he acknowledged that

“Faculty team mein 3-4 to bade awesome players hai. With their track record, we go in as underdogs. And that is how we like it too – we have no pressure on us. X-Factor hamare favour mein hai – no one in the faculty team has seen us play”.

Looking at the previous match, Prof. Sumanta Basu and Prof. Suren Sista were the star players. Prof. Sougata Ray ripped through the batting attack with 4 wickets in his kitty. With this firepower, the faculty team won comfortably even without sizable contributions from Prof. Mishra and Prof. Rakshit who are also acclaimed players.

The match starts at the tennis courts at 4 pm today (Friday – 13 January 2012). This would be followed by the opening ICPL match. Come and cheer for your favourite professor or maybe for the PGPEX team if you’d like to see the winning streak of the faculty broken. The oldest students on campus take on the “youngest-at-heart” professors – be there to see history being made (hopefully!!!).

The last season had been of both trial and turbulence, with a disappointing outing with the bat and the ball. And then there was that infamous nap after which people questioned his drive to play the game. “I don’t think I did well in last year’s match” – he said very often. Perhaps to remind himself.  The virtue that separates the good from the great is the uncanny ability to read their own game, better than anyone else.

Flaws in his action were being pointed out. The trademark arched delivery, the position of the hind leg at the point of release, all were questioned. Little did anyone know that those were his biggest strengths. The arched release gave the ball more spin, and his speed did the rest. In a game dictated by short boundaries and rubber balls, Prof Basu’s biggest contribution is his imagination. With complete mastery over swing and seam, he can make the ball do a mujra if he wants to, they say.

The intent was always there. On Friday, as the best batsmen of the campus faced him, Prof Basu threw down ball after ball, most of them landing on the same spot and still going different ways. Some deliveries were just beyond imagination, doing several things at once. Like the one which took Joyjit. It swung inwards for a while, then outwards, pitched in the off, straightened for a milli second, and then took a flight of its own from the bat to Prof Sinha’s safe hands. (Joyjit almost cried, and was quickly registered for Prof. Leena Chatterjee’s sessions.)

For all the gawping at his ability now, no one knows of the long hours he put in at the nets, hitting the lone stump, and at times, the coin on the pitch. To him, most things didn’t matter – the roughing up, the beamers, the stare. Accuracy is the name of the game. You make the slightest mistake, and suddenly you lose sight of what’s happening. Very much like a transportation problem.

To the man who stepped out and hit our best bowler out of the ground. Just to make a point. Even if he didn’t have to.  Hehe.

mobbed by his female fans

Watch this space for more. We’ll be back, hopefully with a bang, for the IIM Calcutta Premier League. 

The cricket match is an annual event at IIM Calcutta. Outsiders call it an innovative model to improve student-faculty interactions. We? We just laugh at the idea. Coz we’ve never felt the need to.  Its always been awesome here. Click here for Photos

Defending a total of 142, the fast bowlers of the faculty team ran through the student middle order, generously helped by some irresponsible shot selection. Joyjit Gorain and Varun Khullar opened the batting, and did well for the first few minutes, preserving their wickets and seeing the new ball off. What followed was absolute carnage. The first to feel the heat was Joyjit Gorain, who, unable to read the swing in Prof Sumanta Basu’s deliveries, got hit on the pads and other such unmentionable parts of his body. He eventually fell to the same bowler, attempting a square cut when the ball was coming in, and making a mess of himself at the crease. Prof. Anup Sinha was quick to respond, taking a brilliant catch at 2^nd slip. Joyjit failed to score a run, and in the words of Anil TN, a senior citizen of the student body, “simmbly wasted too many balls”.

With the spinners coming in, and tactful field setting by Captn Mishra Sir , runs were choked, and the pressure was built up. Prof. Balram Avittathur, called a left arm spin magician by many, sent down some flighted deliveries, inviting Varun Khullar to make a move. Khullar, however, chose to defend, and seemed to have wooden legs. For a period, the student’s team showed signs of a strategy. As Vsax mentioned later to a hostile crowd, “We wanted to see their best bowlers off”. Looking at depth of talent in the opposition, one can only call it a poor decision. This is despite the fact that Prof VK Unni didn’t bowl a single delivery. “Unni bowls too fast at times. It is unsafe.” said the Captain. Such is the travesty facing fast bowlers from Kerala these days.

The student batsmen led a procession to the pavilion, some falling for scorchers, some others just intimidated. Khullar was stranded at one end, as Sumanta sir and Prof Sista, the best fielders of the game and Men of the Match, saved runs and orchestrated run-outs. Yuvraj Singh, who had made such huge statements before the game, was left in a complete daze, as he could not hit a single boundary during his 20 ball innings.

It was now up to BBG, considered a very talented batsman by his parents, to save the day. Clearly angry at the allegations raised against him, BBG hit out against the faculty bowlers, taking Prof Sougata Ray, ex-Dean, to cleaners on two occasions. In the end, Ray Sir had the last laugh, as he had the ex-Students Union member caught at cover, reading the bounce wrong. BBG batted extremely well for his standards, scoring 17, and taking his career strike rate to 34.46, which is now notches above his Body Mass Index of 32.

Earlier in the day, the professors just walked over the student bowlers, dealing in fours and sixes. Prof Suren Sista was the pick of them, scoring a quick fire 37, decimating the already weak attack. To add to the insult, Prof Preetam Basu too hit a few lusty blows. Both professors almost ended the career of Varun Khullar, who went for 51 runs in 3 overs. The owners of “Lions of Punjab”, of which Varun is the captain, were not very pleased.

In the post match press conference, Prof Sougato Ray expressed  his concern over the quality of the  opposition. “ I hope this is not the team you are sending to the ABCL meet.” Prof Mishra was even more aggressive, saying  ” Sabak to tumhe mil gaya na; ab comment bhi chahiye kya? “. This summed the event up for all present at the venue. One of the high points of the match was the brilliant commentary by Adrit Mishra and Arpit Verma, both 2^nd year students, helped immensely by Prof Mishra’s one-liners.

Contributed by Adrit Mishra, Jandeep Singh and yours truly.

Photos by Santosh Ponnuswamy, Karthik Addagarla

On questioned whether she really thought the faculty could win against the very strong student team, Prof Leena saw red. “Ofcourse we’ll win! My sympathies are with you.” She stormed out and refused any further comment.

PGPReps have informed that the counselling sessions will start Dec 31 at 5 pm in L3. Although its compulsory for all members of the Students’ team, it is advised that all students present at the match take part too.

In another incident, Prof. Sumanta Basu, Operations Management group called the game a boring affair. “Last year, I fell asleep fielding at cover.” He said, to our surprise. “It was some fat guy called Brij batting. Prof Unni was bowling in the late 140s, and Brij was finding it difficult to spot the ball. Nothing interesting happened for a long while, and I just dozed off. ” He seemed to be apologetic about the whole thing. “This year, however, I won’t let that happen. I am carrying a good collection of Markov chain puzzles to the field. That should keep me awake.”  

In the rival camp, there’s been an incessant call for the captain’s blood. “He is spending too much time at the Drams practice.” said a team member who didn’t wish to identify himself. There has also been considerable discussion on cancelling the match and salvaging pride, or whatever is left of it. The entire team seems to be riding a tiger. It’s too late to get off its back.

Students Vs Faculty Cricket is an annual event at IIM Calcutta. The professors take pride in the fact that they’ve never lost a single match.

However, this response, according to many, is best taken with a pinch of salt. “This is just mindless sledging.”, as per  Kanav Chaudhary, a second year student.  “On their day, most of the profs are simply unstoppable. Most of the times, we just hang around, waiting for them to make mistakes.”

The students’ team members appeared infuriated at Kanav speaking out to JokaTimes. “We live in times of free and irresponsible press” , one of them sneered.

On being questioned about their preparations to contain Mishra Sir, who, if you remember, took Happy singh for a ride in the last edition, Yuvraj singh remained silent for several minutes. Since it was a phone interview, our reporter suspected signal problems and was ready to disconnect, when the reply came in a not so convincing fashion:  “ Sir is past his prime. Europe ki sard hawaon mein thande pad gaye honge who. Unke liye strategy ki zaroorat nahi.”  He also mentioned, in what can be called a threatening tone: “Cricket field pe kitabein kalam nahi, balle aur gend bolte hain”

In any case, it has to be said that Happy Singh will be battling his inner demons, as he picks up the ball tomorrow. A few questions are also being raised about Captn Vsax’s total absence from the public.

Students Vs Faculty cricket match is an annual event at IIM Calcutta. The latest edition is set to be held on Dec 30,2011.

This remark has caused much shame to the students team, which has won events at several sports meets across the country. On being asked if he was downplaying the challenge offered by the opponents, Prof Mishra, in his usual manner retorted with “ Challenge vallenge kuch nahi; Fachhon ko cricket sikhayenge hum!!” . Once an opening bowler and opening batsman for his university team, Mishra sir is credited with thrashing Happy singh, a much celebrated bowler and member of the IIMC cricket team, for 28 runs in one single over. “ Theen chakke, do boundary aur ek double..” he was heard saying today. “Lets face it. You guys were murdered last year. Why do you want to lose again?”, the professor rubbed more salt.

The faculty has never lost a single match in the history of the event. It waits to be seen whether the opponents can rise up to the challenge this time around. Captain Vsax was unavailable for comment. Or is he under pressure already?

Late night discussions on how to alleviate poverty. Heated debates on how best to propose to a girl. Arguments on the next prime ministerial candidate of India blowing up into near fist fights.  These would be the fond memories of Joka that would linger in the minds and psyche of every IIM Calcutta student. It is not just that Joka firmly believes in your right to own an opinion and to express it, it indeed expects you to do so. It is this unique aspect of life at Joka that ‘JokaSpeak’ aims to capture. It aspires to take these opinions out to the world – to be seen, to be appreciated, to be condoned, to be debated, to be questioned and sometimes even to be ignored!

Click here to download a softcopy of JokaSpeak

Much has been said by Ravi Shastri, in very original terms, about how for India, its ‘now or never’, how ‘it’s Sachin’s swansong’ and constantly reminding us that ‘it doesn’t get any bigger than this’. I agree that we need the cup. And more urgently than Ravi Shastri thinks we do. Let me elucidate why, as articulately as I can with the customary dash of panache. Conversely, you could check out this, this or this. If one or more of the this’s are un-hyperlinked, blame Ashish Nehra.

As Indians, we have this very annoying habit of analyzing everything that comes our way. It is because of this very reason that all B-school entrance exams have a section on Data Analysis and why all products of the said B-school claim, without batting an eyelid, that they have ‘strong analytical skills’ before accepting 8-figure pay packages to cause financial downturns. So as soon as we succeed to fail to win the cup that counts, the analysis will begin. Why, Navjyot Singh Sidhu will ask, did we not win this cup when we comprehensively won the world T20? And pat will come the answer, it’s because that team had Joginder Sharma in it in place of, hold your breath, Sachin Tendulkar. You don’t have to be this girl (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww) to figure out what’ll happen next- Sachin out, Jogi in. Parents all over the world will start naming their young boys Joginder instead of Sachin, leading to an unprecedented number of suicides around 2020, when the said kids develop enough sense. Instead of aspiring to make 100 international centuries, young ’uns will discard the willow and start practicing the unhealthy art of mediocre slow almost-bowling.

Superstitious that we are, there will be immediate calls for Dhoni to grow back his hair, to divorce Sakshi Rawat and for Lehman Brothers to be resurrected. We shall also look to the other World Cup winning captain- something-or-the-other Dev and demand everyone to sport moustaches as well. This will have several dire consequences- first of all, with everyone refusing to get a haircut or shave, there shall be another round of mass hara-kiri as the word barber gets eliminated from the dictionary. Seeds of civil war shall also be sown as people like Ambre Amit Shivaji or P. Tejo Vihas, who have over time, consistently shown the inability to grow any form or facial hair, are deemed unfit for civilization to prosper and are either packed off to concentration camps or forced to rise up in arms. This unhealthy trend might also percolate to the women’s team, who it must be reminded has yet to win any cup whatsoever. Thus, the percentage of women with long hair and fancy moustaches, which has stayed constant at 0.034% for the last century (the majority of which co-incidentally happened to inhabit Roorkee in the 4 years that I spent there), will rise faster than the average of any mediocre batsman who tours India.

The other reason has to do with gratitude. Public memory, we all know, is very short. Already, everyone except bankers in Switzerland and Cayman Islands have started saying- Kalmadi, who? For how much longer then, can we expect the noble populace to remember the sterling contribution made by the likes of Dodda Ganesh, Amey Khurasia, Harvinder Singh and master of all- Noel David. Was there ever a more glorious sight in Indian cricket than Vikram Rathore running to take one catch after the other, than MSK Prasad manfully keeping to the express pace of Abhey Kuruvilla and Tinu Yohanana and more recently, Dinesh Mongia and Sanjay Bangar clamouring to get into the playing XI as Parthiv Patel calmly tossed back balls hit to the boundary by Ricky Ponting? I tell you, their names must not be allowed to fade from posterity. 2015 shall see 10 teams compete for the cup, by 2019 we will have kicked out Zimbabwe and Bangladesh as well so that we can have a shorter tournament that can be fitted in between then Maxxx time-out in IPL-12. Pakistan will surely have ceased to exist by 2023 and the venues chosen from then on will be so politically, racially and safety-wise charged (read- Bhagalpur, Chhapra and Purnia in Bihar) that Australia, South Africa, New Zealand and England will refuse to play there. Obviously the 2027 World Cup will be won by Sri Lanka and so 20 years from now, we shall see yet another Ayodhya ruling which will claim that the Lankans are descended from Ravana and therefore, do not qualify to play in a tournament meant for manava and not Rakshasas. And then, ladies and gentlemen, We Shall Win The Cup That Counts (West Indies will have become the 42nd Indian state after Telangana, Bodoland, Vidarbha, Gujjarpur, Jat-bhoomi, Great Iyerangar-rrzhu, Greater Iyer-rrihlkjskldfjslkahzrrzhu and a few others). Can you look me in the eye and honestly tell me that anyone will remember then that Vinay Bharadwaj had won Man-of-the-Series in the LG cup played in Kenya?

And finally, there is that matter of the lesser sports. Already, we see unhealthy signs of some shuttler called Saina Nehwal being shown in TV ads instead of God Incarnate- Joginder Singh. We’ve travelled down that road already. She will have a couple of fatwas passed against her by the VHP, marry some Mr. Nehwal, get divorced, have an affair with Ranbir Kapoor and eventually marry Shing-shon-zhu and move to Gongzhou before you could say Arunachal Pradesh. And poor Jogi, whose sublime acting skills we should have rightly witnessed, as he told us to substitute our Ohs with PSPOs, will be denied the Filmfare Lifetime Achievement award that shall be won by Harman Baweja instead. In an attempt to excel in some sport while continuing to turn a blind eye to Kabaddi, we shall organize some more of the Kalamdi’s wealth Games, our kids will have to pepper their vocabulary with words like ‘Scull’ and ‘recurve’ and Ashutosh Gowarikar will have to resort to making a movie on Equestrian Show-jumping. Yes, the same shiver went down my spine as well.

Therefore, if we are to be saved from this dystopian future, India must win the World Cup 2011. Or Megan Fox must agree to marry short bespectacled bloggers who write Saagar with 2 a’s.

-Saagar Sinha

Class of 2011

They say you can only love once. Two years ago, I remember starting the familiar route on NH-58 from Roorkee to Delhi- inconsolable, 2 cartons of cherished junk (including a set of 10-odd bottles, the first I bought, the first I drank from, the one we had when I got my first job etc) and a now-married guy on the back seat. It’s a lot easier to fall in love when you’re 18, college does that to you. And when you’re in a long-forgotten town that’s just wonderland to the few that have the honour of studying there, the town can never let your heartstrings be. Graduating was inevitable, coming to Joka was not. True to the course offered, I always figured it would purely be a business transaction. I was going there to get a good job and a better girl, not necessarily in that order. Did I just hear a derisive snort quickly disguised into a cough?

This place was really far too hot. And humid. And what was it with all these characters who could swear, 3 hours into the campus, that all of it was just Too Cool? And Super Awesome? I remember listening to Early Days for the first time, and posting how I felt that the song suggested that people spent two happy years at Joka, and that a year from then, I’d like to be one of them. My head-over-heels moment was so unspectacular it would make the Texas Chainsaw Massacre seem romantic. It wasn’t JBS, or Samhar, or that-party-that-happens-during-Remni. It was just an inconsequential day when I was walking to OH from Tata Hall for breakfast. It really hit me then, how badly I would miss that walk, the lake on the right, the hostel on the left. How two years were never really going to be enough and there would always be people I would wish I’d gotten to know better. And most importantly perhaps, how worshipping Sachin didn’t mean you couldn’t have a United flag on your bedroom wall. The Roorkee umbilical cord being what it was, it was to a friend there that I made the call. Not to talk about the profound realization, but just to talk. Because that’s what I do best.

I would have quizzed anywhere I went. I could possibly have won Nihilanth from another campus. But it was only here that poetry could have spouted as readily as Salman Khan discarding his shirt, and only one board that could have claimed verse to be better. This very page was as much an accident as anything else. It was Nagaraj’s witty ppt that brought me to the JT dinner and one of the wisest men I would have the chance to meet that kept me there when, half an hour into it, I was wondering why I’d turned up in the first place. A phone call from Belgium was what made me truly realize what placements did or did not mean. A mundane gtalk chat led to the creation of the Masked Manager, a name I’d thought was silly until the girl I was chatting with felt that it had a nice ring to it, and her artful persistence that kept the odd article coming. The new much-appreciated look was all thanks to the guy who’s writing prowess far exceeds his footer-god claims, and I’ll never really figure out how he got a lazy been-there-done-that slob like me to actually call meetings. Joka does funny things to you. And in case you were wondering about that girl I was going to meet, Sautele suddenly became what the Farmhouse had been in Roorkee. The guy who said a leopard didn’t change its spots really did know a thing or two.

The craziest part is that this is just one story. One of 400 that make up this batch, which in turn is one of the 47 and counting that make up Joka. Some of you would find it co-incidentally similar to yours. The rest would have closed the tab by now and opened cricnfo to check the score. However, readily, hesitantly or unknowingly, we’ve all been seduced by the wily old spirit that chuckles every time a pair of fresh young feet take the left turn from Diamond Harbour road and goes on to become an inextricable part of them even up to the day they accompany their own set of fresh young feet 25 years later. Cunning and lovable as the fellow is, time is more than a worthy adversary for all. The quill must cease, the mask must be grudgingly taken off- one day it shall perhaps be rediscovered and like the Watchmen, spawn a new era of heroes. Till then, au-revoir Joka. As I said two years ago to Roorkee, it can never be good-bye.

So thank you for finding inside a skeptic 21-year old, the student that had been hidden for the better part of 4 years and the bowler that had always suspected he could swing the ball. Thank you Joka, for the n things, some similar, most different, that each of us will most dearly recount to remember you by. Thank you for the opportunities, the elation and the magical moments that being part of you has mandated. Thank you Joka, for accepting me as one of your own, for making me not stay but belong. And thank you Joka, for life after Roorkee.

They say you can only love once. But then, they also said you couldn’t place a batch of 400 in 5 days.

-MM/Saagar

As the batch of 46/16 waded their way through the last day of classes at IIMC (most of them excited over finishing it with an 8-minute lecture, as Facebook would testify), the professors joined the students for a tete-a-tete, celebrating a bond that had matured over a much-cherished period of two years. As hosts for the event – our very own ‘Flying Sikh’ Purnoor Singh Sodhi and ‘I’ll-give-you-that-intellectual-look’ Amber Nagar, took on the stage, the professors too got into the groove in this ‘fun’-ch break!

First on the podium to share his experiences was PGP Chairman Prof. Prashant Mishra. He turned the tables on the students by referring to the spike in conversations on BB just before the exams and had everyone in splits by reciting some totally hilarious pieces of shero-shayari. He also shared his experiences of working with some of the students, expressing how much their absence would be felt in the corridors of Joka.

Prof. Ashok Banerjee gave some valuable advice to the passing out batch by urging them not to get themselves confined to the jobs they take up but also build a balanced perspective on everything happening around through consistent reading. Dean Prof. Sougata Ray continued in the same vein and also exhorted the students to give back to their soon-to-be alma mater IIM Calcutta and assured them a warm welcome and full support if they ever need IIMC’s support.

These speeched were interspersed with some peppy performances by JBS (both entertaining and funny, ask them why!) and some witty one-liners and anecdotes from the hosts which were usually met with a red-faced PGP2 in the audience. The “senior-most professor in the room”, as he called himself in his speech, Prof. Amitava Bose, however stole all hearts with his short and lovable speech. To Prof. Ashok Banerjee’s suggestion of students spending their time off from the job in reading books on various topics, he replied, “I hope you people have better things to do on your weekends!”. That he said this with a completely earnest straight face elicited a huge roar of applause from the audience.

What followed was a surprise ‘quiz’! However, the professors were at the receiving end this time. Questions included identifying juxtaposed professors’ photographs and photographs from certain parts inside the campus. The enthusiastic audience managed to generate a lot of CP though! The quiz was, however, cut short due to technical inadequacies (read “the quizmaster relying on Wi-Fi access for some questions”. Do not venture out to ascertain who he was!) and the lack of time at hand.

The professors and students ended the event by carefree banter over lunch, talking of the fun they had in the classes, the enormous effort to keep one’s eyelids open at 8:30 in the morning/ after a heavy lunch, the knowledge they gained, and most importantly, the long road that lay ahead!

To 46/16, and the ‘umblical cord’ that will always connect them to Joka…